Sometimes I hate to admit that perhaps I'm just too complicated to understand

no one really knows me well, at times I'm too complicated for myself to understand too? 

I asked myself, who is there for me when i really needed one?

oh well, maybe the problem lies with myself

always keeping everything and even when someone ask , i chose to say nth much, I'll be fine..

But am I really doing fine? I dunnoo...

I just wish there is just someone there i can find at random moments

perhaps a random dinner or such

i understand everyone is busy with their own life

But sometimes i really find it so hard to find a friend out, not even one...

Why am i always the one taking the initiative?

of course i dun mind doing all these if ppl are willing to meet up but do i deserve all those cold responses and ppl not getting back to me?

It make me feel like I'm the only one who care? 

 and no one  bother to arrange one or somehow no one miss me in their life?

Doesn't make a different whether we meet or not?

I always wanted to maintain good and long friendship which all of us will make an effort to meet up once in a while, simple dinner and catch up session

No excuses and response steadily to the meet up.

But once again, why everything seem to be so hard?